As a minister I attend several memorials each year.  Most, I officiate, but I also go as an attendee.  There are times I do not know the deceased, but I participate as an act of honoring their life and caring for their survivors.   Often I hear someone say to a person grieving the loss of a loved one, “if there is anything I can do just tell me.”  Given the chance, I would advise them to “go to the memorial.”  Your presence says you care more than words ever could.

I do not regret giving time to attend a memorial.  In every instance I come away with something valuable in the form of an experience or feeling I seldom know any other way.  Ceremonies like weddings and funerals address questions we need to ask ourselves on a regular basis.  When a bride and groom recite their vows, it is impossible for onlookers to avoid the question:  what is the measure of my commitment to those I’ve given my promise?  When relatives or friends share their remembrance of a loved one, I am challenged by how that person lived and the kind of influence they had on others which leads me to ask, what am I doing with my time?

Last week I officiated for the memorial of John Brown.  Many things in the memorial stood out; such as the full military honors presented by a dozen members of the United States Marine Corps, a soloist singing “The Lord’s Prayer,” and a bagpiper playing “Amazing Grace.”  However, when attendees remarked that this was one of the best memorials they have been part of, I think it was because they identified with one or more of the remembrances spoken with admiration and appreciation of John’s life.  John invested in the community with leadership given to various service organizations.  Never content to sit on a board (three of which he served over 20 years simultaneously), John wanted to see them work.  As his son Barry stated, “He was simply a man who wanted to see good things happen and worked tirelessly to get a building built or a program implemented.”  For the YMCA he helped construct a building; for the Salvation Army he helped start a mobile unit providing relief in emergencies; for the Rotary Club, he launched a foundation to fund projects with investment dollars.

John’s life was lived in self-giving –a complete contrast to today’s patterns of self-advancement and self-serving. He was generous with his time, his thoughts, his resources, and his life.  As the beneficiary of God’s love and service, John, in turn, chose to live his life in gratitude for God’s gift and to show that same love to those whom God brought into his life.

Sometimes the memorial is less about a person’s accomplishments than it is about their behavior or character; such as the devotion of a grandparent or how well someone celebrated others without drawing attention to him or herself.  In nearly every one, I learn valuable lessons of how to live by reflecting on the choices of others.

I leave the memorial, but the person’s life does not leave me.  Some speak of how his or her memory lives on.   But this is more than a memory.  By taking time to honor someone’s life, I’ve allowed him or her to influence my own.